Touched

I had the best lunch today. Yeah, the food was good, but it was so not about the food. My heart got fed today.

Several years ago, I was told by my therapist that I had a condition. Therapists are trained to identify these things. Really, all she did was put a fancy name on something I already knew. As I recounted one of the most meaningful moments in my life, she put her lips together in one of those all-knowing expressions, sighed, and nodded her head; then she said: You are touch deprived. I forgot about that diagnosis, until today.

I get hugs from my wonderful husband and wonderful hugs from Asher. Sometimes Asher will pat me on the cheek and say, “It’s okay, Mema.” He has no idea how it feels like he’s patting my heart. Today I was touched like that.

Today I had lunch with a woman I knew from High School. On my Facebook page this morning I said I was excited because I was having lunch with a friend from high school. As we talked today, I shared that was probably an overstatement. We weren’t friends in high school. We lots of mutual friends and were in youth group together at church. I didn’t tell her this at lunch, but I never felt I was good enough to be her friend then. She was quite popular and knew everybody. I thought about it on the way home and I think she intimidated the poop right out of me. She was a leader and I was just a follower.

V and I reconnected this summer through the magic that is Facebook. She caught up on my life by reading my blog and then shared the most personal and intimate letter with me. She used the word intimate today and then back off from it, but intimacy is where we share who we really are with someone else—and that’s the gift she gave me in that letter. At that point we crossed a bridge into a new kind of relationship, friendship. I was a whole lot less intimidated.

She greeted me with the warmest hug. Touch deprived people crave and fear being touched all in the same moment, but I will tell you there was a lot less fear than I might have expected. We went into the little restaurant, quickly ordered and then dove into conversation. At the very outset she clasped both my hands and looked intently into my eyes and assured me that she didn’t judge me. I’ve heard things like that over the past few years, and to be honest my typical first response is cynicism: yeah, right. Not today. V’s words were beyond genuine and her touch again reinforced her sincerity and was like a healing salve.

We ate our salads and talked for over three hours. I could barely believe how the time flew. Some very interesting things came out as we talked and it was apparent to me that our paths have truly crossed for a reason. As I have written this the tears have flowed. I feel very blessed to have entered into this new friendship.