At Home

Have you heard the phrase "I feel at home in my skin"? It typically refers to being comfortable with who you are.

I would like to report that I am definitely not comfortable in my skin.

Several years ago, I developed a really dry, scaly, red, and itchy patch on the back of my left ankle. It covered quite a bit of my calf. I went to a dermotologist. He said it was something that sounded like tree bark disease. He said that because of stress I was rubbing my leg in bed while I slept. He perscribed a steroid cream and a steroidal tape. It cleared up and I thought no more about it.

Last fall I developed a two inch patch on each of my shins. When I finally saw the doctor in May she wanted me to see a dermotologist to be properly diagnosed. She perscribed a steroidal cream and wanted me to only use it on one spot. I had to cancel that appointment because Nelson's insurance was on hold while he was on disability this summer. I ened up using the cream on both spots and they cleared up--temporaily.

When I saw her again in December. I had 1/2 inch spot on my right shin. We scheduled an appointment for Feb. 3 with the dermotologist. Since then I've developed patches on the fronts and backs of both my legs, on hips, on my arms, and both breasts. I itch all over. The spots and patches are red and scaly.

I am uncomfortable in my skin.

Now before you suggest a skin cream, I've tried just about everything. Nothing OTC has ever worked. The first dermotologist told me the problem was due to stress and being overweight. He suggested I walk and lose weight. I did. I'm working out regularly at Curves. I will never be stress free, but I have been working to cope better. I guess we'll see come the third.

In the meantime--I hate itching. Hell is a place with unquenchible itching.

I Know He Watches Me

Today was a good day at work. I arrived and actually got my car backed into the garage (with no depth perception that's a pretty good feat). I fed the cats, stoked the wood furnace, and got Ma'am's breakfast ready. When she finally emerged from her bedroom, I was beyond pleasantly surprised. She was in wonderful humor. We spent breakfast and coffee time chatting and remembering. We talked about snow storms and kids and memories.

The rest of the morning went pleasantly. When I was done eating I went out in the snow and cold and filled all the bird feeders. Ma'am loves to sit in the window seat and watch all the birds. She was sitting there and I was across the way in the dining room doing my cross stitch when she began to sing, "His Eye Is on the Sparrow." The notes weren't all correct and some of the words were missing, but it was a sweet, sweet sound.

I sat there in the quiet when she was done and I found myself thanking God for my job. I feel so serene. Now that's a really odd thing. It has been snowing all day and blowing. Typically, that combination is enough to keep my innerds in perpetual turmoil--but today, I was even peaceful driving home.

I was thinking about the song Ma'am was singing. Do you know it? Here are the words:
Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart feel lonely?
And long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He over watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches (I know He watches)
I know He watches me

(I) I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know, He watches me
He watches me
He watches me
I know
He watches me.

It's sort of like the adult version of Jesus Loves Me This I Know. When I was a little girl, I remember going to a big dark church and listening to my mom practice this song with someone playing the organ. Three decades later I was able to sing it as a duet with my mom. It was cool.

Today, the words were real and special to my heart It really has been a good day.

Sunday, Sunday

I'm feeling better. Imodium was the solution. Today I did go to church and we had Asher this afternoon. Right now I'm watching football and wondering if I'll be able to stay awake to watch 24.

Nelson and I were talking about finances this evening. My hours were down this week (which was good since I got sick) and next week with my little lady. We just can't seem to get ahead. He's actually thinking about trying to find a weekend job. I'm trying not to stress, but it ain't easy.

Pass the Ginger Ale

Beth called Asher's doctor today because he is still having diaherrea. The doctor said there's a virus going around and that it could last up to 7-10 days. Yeehaw.

Ann was here on Monday with her new beau Mark. They left yesterday and last night they were also feeling the effects of the well-shared virus.

Today I'm just feeling punky. Nelson has barely come down from the bedroom, but he's at least separated himsel from the commode.

Right now, Verners is my best friend.

Direct Deposit

As the hours drug on at work, I began to feel worse and worse. Every muscle ached. My fingernails hurt. My eyelids feel crunchy.

I left as soon as I possibly could and walked straight in the house and fell right in bed.

Nelson is sick, too. Pepto Bismal has been his new best friend. Asher is sick, too.

This is not fun.

No Parking Zone

wonders who parked their elephant on her chest and if they would move it so she could breathe and feel better today. Thanks. ")

Now Where Was I?It's been crazy busy.

It's been crazy busy.

Last Friday we took the kids to the McDonald's indoor playland. Every other parent within a 50 mile radius whose child enjoys screaming while indoors and running around like a maniac must have also thought it was a good night for said activity. The kids seemed totally obvlivious to the decible overload. Since the MD's is in a plaza with a favored grocery store, Beth and Nelson decided to shop and leave me with kid watch. When it was all over, I was read for a Bailey's!

Saturday, Caden went home. I was sad to seem him go, but amazed by the quiet that followed his departure.

Sunday was nice. I got to go to church and I led the morning prayer in worship. What a blessing. Beth kept the kids overnight. Another blessing.

Monday, yesterday. Work! I was with my little lady from 8-2 and then Curves from 3-7:30. After work I picked up Penelope and Asher from Beth's. Asher had been sick since Sunday afternoon when she picked the kids up. Suffice it to say there was bodily fluids escaping from both ends in massive quantities necessitating much extra laundry and several exasperated phone calls requiring abundant parental encouragement. He was a bit better when we got him, with fluid only escaping from the bottom--but requiring the lighting of several fragrant candles!

Sunday afternoon, I went to work out on the Lovehandler (an exercise machine we purchased that I love, as it works the core and leaves me feeling like I really did something). I'm pleased to say that I've been using it regularly for about 3 weeks. What I didn't know on Sunday was that when the kids were messing around on it they loosened one of the catch pins and when I went to workout it came loose and I went crashing through. I hit my chin on a huge bolt and crashed my left pec (right above my left breast) right into the steering column. I have a huge and deep bruise on my chest and one on my chin. The chest one is quite tender, and the chin one is sort of comically noticable. I look like I have a dirty spot on my chin. I felt rather conspicuous at work last night so I had to explain so people wouldn't think I was just a messy kid who couldn't wipe off her chin.

Yesterday while I was working at Ma'am's I discovered that the other lady that I split hours with is going on vacation starting January 19th. I was okay with it initially, feeling a bit fortunate to be able to pick up some extra hours while she was gone for a couple weeks. After all, she did that for me last fall when I visited Mom. I called her to see if she wanted to pick up some hours before she left. That's when I found out that she was indeed going on vacation, but not coming back to work. Her daughter is overdue to deliver. When B comes back from vacation she's going to go from elder sitting to babysitting. She's already talked to one of Ma'am's daughters about only working on the weekends. So it looks like I could have a more permanent job. I could work M-F 8-2, except I already work at Curves on Friday AM 5-10. So I guess I'll be talking with Ma'am's family about working M-Th 8-2. I'll work a couple Saturday's at Curves, but have my Sundays off again. The more I think about it, I think it's a schedule I can live with. I guess we'll see.

Tis the season for bloody noses. Heat and hormones. Every time I blow my nose in the morning I end up with a messy bloody nose. I'm so dry. The one I had this morning left me with a nasty little headache, too. I'm startig to feel better.

Today Ann will be here with her new gentleman, Mark. They'll be here most the day and leave tomorrow with Penelope. They found a great place to live in St. Robert (near Ft. Leonard Wood). Penelope has stated several times that she doesn't want to go and I know that Asher doesn't want her to leave. It's going to be a boo-hooing time around here!

Now, I think I need a cup of coffee. Until later.