Dingy Trips and Facing Fears

I’m going to eat lunch and then I’m going to knock out the grant this afternoon. The only thing that I won’t have is pictures of the roof. Someone else is going to have to get up there and work on that.

I have had a really good week. On Tuesday I met with program participants in Norwalk and then went to call on employers. When I was done I went to the home of the woman who just finished the TNet3 class—the one who couldn’t believe I had a felony conviction and who really learned so much about herself. I went to listen to her dream.

This woman lives out in the middle of nowhere. She has a large house with land and she’s there alone. She really feels a leading to begin some time of women’s ministry for women who are disenfranchised, lost, and broken. This woman has a lot of different skills (sewing, quilting, writing, drawing, woodworking, and computers to name a few). In part she feels led to facilitate the healing process by providing a safe haven for these women but also to teach them skills that will help them to be more independent. It’s a great dream.

I drove away with an odd sort of peace. Typically, I would have noticed my mind racing a hundred miles an hour figuring out ways to map out this wonderful dream. What I realized is that it isn’t my dream. I could bless her and encourage her and offer to pray for her, but clearer than anything in the universe as I pulled out of that country drive I felt the absolute peace-full assurance that this was not my dream. The thing that I’m to be doing is still out there and I’m to trust that I will know what it is.

Today I was teaching again from Bruce Wilkinson’s “The Dream Giver” again. Today’s lesson was on leaving our comfort zone. It was good stuff. I ended up only teaching one lesson and spending the second hour processing the information. We talked a lot about how fear immobilizes and how to find and develop courage. A very interesting thing came out of the class (other than one woman thinking I’m a real ‘B’ when I confronted her lousy attitude).

This morning before I started teaching, Bob, my supervisor, let me know that the annual boat trip would be Friday, June 13. (To see the boat and read about the ministry go here: www.babout.org) I sort of blew it off. They know I have a fear of the whole boat and water thing. Bob told me I could get out of going to the jail that day, but would have to go on the boat trip. I just walked away shaking my head. A boat trip. A boat trip on Friday the 13th. Come on!

So then I go teach my class. We watched the first video lesson and then discussed how our fears hold us back. During their smoke break I came to my computer to look up quotes about courage. Here’s one that I found that rocked my boat: “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt said that. Meddling old woman.

I went back into class and told them that I was going to be going out on a boat. I had been telling them that I couldn’t do that. I told them that I have a terrible fear of boats and water. I don’t even like to canoe.

I told them about a time when Nelson and I went to Myrtle Beach. He purchased a nice raft for me because he knew that I was afraid of swimming in the water. There might be something in there that would bite my feet. So he would swim out from shore pulling the dingy and then let me drift into shore. We did this for quite some time. Then one time he pulled me out and instead of heading to shore I headed toward Florida. He had swum off and all my yelling was getting swallowed up in the waves. I thought for sure that I was going to end up being fish fodder. Finally, he realized that I was headed to Miami and came to my rescue. He swam up to the dingy and then stood up. I was frantic and screaming and my dingy was sitting over a sandbar. We laughed ourselves to tears.

That’s what fear does to us. I have been fear driven my entire life. I’m really pretty tired of it. So, I won’t be going to the jail on June 13th. I’ll b-about something else.