Feeling Lonely and Dumb

Where does depression hurt? Right now, in my stomach. This is probably the first time in my life where I'm not feeding my depression. I actually walked past donuts at work the other day. Someone brought in a box of bakery glazed donuts and I didn't even go near them. I just don't have any appetite.

My stomach had been aching for days now. The up side: I've lost a few pounds. Since June 1 I've lost eleven pounds. But I'm not even enjoying it.

This morning I went out garage saling. I got a Little Tikes wagon. I had a good cry while I drove around town looking for goodies. God and I had a long conversation. I poured out my heart and my hurt. I've been trying to act like everything's okay...and it's not. I'm angry and hurt and most of all scared.

I spent most of the afternoon checking out jobs on the internet and playing with Asher. Once he went to sleep I went to Aldi's to get groceries. When I got there the sky opened up and I ended up sitting in the car for about 10 minutes waiting for it to let up a bit. I went in and filled up a banana box of stuff we needed. When I got up to the register I realized I didn't have my card. They only take debit cards and I realized I had left mine at the ATM when I got cash this morning to go garage saling. I was just sick. I apologized all over myself to the cashier and raced out to the car to call Nelson to see about canceling the card.

I cried on the way home and my stomach ache grew worse. How could I be so dumb? When I got home Nelson called the bank's 800# and they told us that nothing had been charged on the account and most likely the card was at the bank. If you don't take your card within 15 seconds of the transaction the machine eats it. The lady told Nelson that I could call the bank and get it on Monday. There was some comfort in that but I still felt dumb.

Now I have to go back out in the rain and go to the IGA market, write a check for my groceries and over the amount so that I can go back and pick up the things we need at Aldi's.