Potentialities

It has been so nice here this past week we have barely run the air conditioners. I love being able to throw open the windows and doors. Nelson said that this morning the sound that woke him up was an Amish horse and buggy going up the street. In addition to the sounds of summer, and the cool breezes, I like the fact that I know our electric bill will be less this month! Lots of reasons to enjoy the cooler weather.

I got to work yesterday. I was creating files and organizing files on the computer for the Quality Engineer. It wasn’t hard work, just needed to be exact. By the end of the day I was singing in the info to keep myself focused and on task. You know that droning kind of sing-song that walks you through the steps of a process. At one point I caught myself doing it and I had to giggle. I was so thankful that the other engineers had left the office. Then I began to wonder if I had been doing it unaware and I chased them out of the office. And that just made me giggle more.

Thursday, right after the interview, I met my friend Pam (the one who was recently ordained) for lunch at Friendly’s. We had a lot of catching up to do. They just voted to close her church and the next she got a call from a pastor in Mishawaka. They’re starting a new missional work there very similar (and in fact sponsored by) the Pump House of our town. The pastor asked Pam if she would be interested in a position that included spiritual formation and something else I can’t remember right now. Part of the reason I’m blanking out on her job is because she started describing a potential position for me. This ministry wants to start a reentry program. She went on to describe the work program they have in mind and how perfect Nelson would be to head that up. I struggled to listen to her after that as my mind and heart raced ahead with all the possibilities.

One of my favorite quotes is from Emily Dickenson: I dwell in possibilities. Now this can be a marvelous strength—to be able to see the potential in any and all situations. And it can also be a horribly frustrating weakness when I get stuck in the wishing and dreaming.

Right now that’s all it is. There’s no offer. There’s no job. It’s just a case of “wouldn’t it be cool.” I might handle this completely differently if I wasn’t feeling so desperate about not having a permanent job that brings me any sense of fulfillment.

This week, Wednesday and Thursday, is the Grant Writing Seminar. There is still great potential in that. It would be something very helpful if the reentry position ever presented itself as reality.

I guess part of the reason I'm dreaming is the same reason I continue to scan the job search sites: I want to the job at the publishing company, but I know it's not good to put all my hopes (or eggs) in one basket. A girl has to keep her options open.

As for today, I will watch Olympics and play with my grandson and wonder what the plan for me is.