Philosophical Ramblings

What wakes you up? What jolts you back into reality? What is your wake up call?

Yesterday was a wake up call for me. I hadn’t realized how much I was coasting. I have never felt old. I’m energetic and fun. I’m positive. I’m active. I knew that things were changing, but somehow it never felt like I was. I never realized how much an inch could affect my psyche.

I have shrunk an inch. Whether I want to admit it or not, I am aging. Oddly enough, last evening I was cleaning papers off the dining room table and I found another application to AARP. Smack. Are you awake, Tina?

Now, I don’t intend to go buy a cane--yet, but I need to assess. Are there changes I need to make? I don’t see myself slowing down. After all, I am an otter (Smalley-Trent Personality Inventory), ENFP, and I have a healthy dose of functional ADHD. So I will always be active, but I am thinking more qualitatively right now. What do I want to wrap my life around?

I got another call this morning. Last week I taught my job readiness class. It’s so much more than that. The material is presented in such a way that the participants learn about their personality and how it is a help or hindrance to their getting and keeping a job. We examine how their belief/value system impacts their decisions and work and how or if they want to change it.

I speak quite candidly about my own struggles and the struggles of other persons seeking employment with the felony conviction. I am adamant they should NEVER lie on an application or to an employer. I tell them this is a quick ticket to termination, a federal offense (you sign off that everything on your application is true), and a sure way to get violated by their PO. Beyond that I tell them that it cements in an employer’s mind that felons can’t be trusted so don’t bother to hire them and waste the new hire investment. I tell them to stop thinking only about themselves and consider the greater ramifications.

There was a guy in the class who seemed pretty sharp. I knew that when the class was done he would be ready for placement (according to meeting required elements). On Thursday afternoon I got a call that one of our employers needed someone pretty quick and wanted to interview the candidate on Friday and start them on third shift on Monday (5/12).

I immediately thought of this guy. I called him about the job. He was reluctant initially, but called me Friday morning to say he’d take the interview. It was a guaranteed job. I got the call this morning that he didn’t show up for work last night.

So here’s my wake up call. I am about as naïve as a newborn babe. I have believed that there is goodness in people. I have believed that even when someone makes a horrible life mistake that they can change. I have had to believe this or I couldn’t have been an evangelical pastor for twenty years. I have had to believe this and see the potential in people to be able to coach them in this reentry process.

Today…today I feel an icky level of skepticism. Each person that has sat across from me today has left me with feelings of wonder, and not in a good way. I don’t like it. I have worked with people and dealt with people who expect everyone to lie, cheat, and do harm to others. My supervisors seem to operate out of this mode of skepticism.

How do I find a place of balance? Do I have to question everyone’s motives or assume that they are always selfish and sinister? Can I ever take what someone says as truth? And lest you think that this is just about felons--it’s not. Recently my boss made a statement that he thought that there were more people who hadn’t committed a felony than who had. I’m not sure. I think that there are so many who have broken the law but never been “caught.” For example, how many drive drunk? That’s a felony, caught or not. The list could go on and on. But I just don’t want to.

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It’s after lunch now. I went to the reservoir to eat my lunch. I love the peace and quiet there. There’s something about being near water, listening to the birds, and feeling the breeze that is good for my soul--usually. Today I came away feeling unsettled.

In a little bit I have to go make cold calls on employers. Right now I’m in a local coffee shop accessing their free internet and enjoying a wonderful cup of coffee. As I sit here and read over these two calls, I am wondering how they interconnect. It’s sort of funny. This is usually a peaceful and quiet location. Not today. There are people chattering (loudly) all around me. There were several kids, some of them definitely needing to be at home napping. I thought I’d buy a few minutes of quiet and reflection with my cup of coffee…not for sale today.

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I’m home. Relaxing. Asher’s asleep on the couch. Nelson is asleep upstairs. I’m free to surf the net and keep an ear on Idol. It’s been a good night. I really like David Archuleta.